In a relief society lessons a couple of weeks ago, I was reading the Joseph Smith manual, and I came across a one-line paragraph that said, "God judges men according to the use they make of the light which He gives them." (Pg. 405) There are moments when certain words or phrases embed themselves into our brains and make a significant effect on the way that we see things, and this was definitely one of those times for me. I realized that my constant comparing myself to those around me is destructive, and, more than that, not what Heavenly Father would have me do. I constantly criticize myself for my imperfections.
I can remember distinctly a time when I envied a friend of mine for being able to eat whatever she wanted and to not work out, and still remain impeccably thin, while I, on the other hand, struggled to just be overweight. It wasn't until I discovered that she had a serious, potentially fatal illness, that has limited so many different parts of her life, that I saw the flaw in my comparison. I see my thin friend, and want to be thin. I see my successful friend, and want to be successful. I see my confident friend and want to be confident. I see my married friend, my friend with kids, my friend with money, my friend who can sing, my friend who owns a business, my friend with a 4.0..... It never ends. The thing is, I was comparing only one aspect of my life to one aspect of theirs. I wasn't accounting for all of the variables. So what do I have to offer, when there are apparently so many perfect people around me? Well, the answer is in the question. You see, the question itself is flawed, so the answer isn't apparent. The fact is, there aren't perfect people around me. I am surrounded by people just like me. People who have imperfections and insecurities, but nonetheless, have something unique to offer the world, many of whom have no idea how special they really are. I have a light that is entirely, uniquely mine. Heavenly Father has given me this light, and He expects me to do something unique with it. I am successful, happy, and beautiful in my own way, as are all of us. And, at the end of the day, what I have chosen to do with my own light is what I am going to be accountable for. I won't be asked why I didn't earn as much money as my neighbor, or why I didn't ever get as thin as my friend, or why I didn't earn as good of grades as my classmates. He will simply ask me whether I have accomplished what he sent me here to do: what have I done with His light?
So, as I finish my summer, and prepare to start another semester at school, I intend to stop punishing myself for being flawed. Life is too short to put off until another day. I will not put off doing the things that I enjoy, or spending time with the people that I love because I feel like I don't deserve to. Satan would have each one of us believe that we don't deserve to be happy--that we can never be good enough or strong enough or rich enough or good looking enough to be worthwhile. But the truth is, the only thing that can hinder our light from shining is ourselves. He would have us believe that we can only be happy when we have it all or do it all or be it all. But, truthfully, God has already given us the things that we need to be happy. We need to be more accepting, more forgiving, and more willing to share our light with others. We already have it, we just need to let it shine.
